i want you people to answer these questions honestly...

do i seem like a "player" or like the type of dude to be emotionally indifferent?? if you do what kind of things make me seem that way??

in other news im tryna find a job...not going so well...gotta start working and saving up for college in the fall

and on yet another note i feel like letting out the real me that people dont often get to see...i may know a lot of females and seem comfortable when they're around but deep down im really shy when it comes to girls...how many of yall can say you know this??   oh and in september of 2005 probably the second best girl i have ever gone out with could have had my child...a few of you may know this...how about this 1...4 girls have said they loved me in my life (not family)...3 of them i dated and 1 of them i couldnt date because of distance...out of the 3 i dated, 1 left me for another dude after we went out for OVER A YEAR...only to break up with the dude less than 2 months later, lmfao...never leave the one for the one you like right?? thats a true story...now get this me being the bigger person attempted to try again and she basically said no, lmao, wow, now thats love......another one broke up with me for understandable reasons (i was young and didnt know how to carry on a relationship)...but love last lifetimes right?? or so i thought...long story short thats another basic no....the 3 one i dated...well, thats a story that i dont really want to put on the net, really painful memories...i bet most of you didnt even know that i have been in love and had my heart broken...more than once...now this leads to the fourth girl...lol...wow...i dont even know where to start with her...this girl came at me early with the whole "love" topic...and me with my 0-3 record gave up on the possibility of that from the get-go...long story short...says i broke her heart and etc etc...now lately i've been puttine a lot of things into perspective, especially what people think about me, and i notice that i have somewhat of a reputation...figure out for what on your own...and although its somewhat justified i dont want to be labeled in that way...........

wow, i just noticed im rambling and everything i wrote is out of order and shit, but theres too much on my mind to make sense right now.........

to sum it up all im looking for is a female thats on my page...up to the few standards i have...willing to take me for me regardless of what they may have heard (which a lot of the time isnt true)...im off to college now, ready to do big things with my life (may not be big to other people, but in my eyes they are)...even though im 18 i feel im running out of time...cant be puting my faith in the wrong things...the wrong people...the wrong everything...................im tired of writing now..........

one again been a while since updating...but i dunno what to start with about my life...so i'll just end it here......

damn...havnt updated this crap in a long time...i guess you people want to know whats new with me, huh??

well im stuck in the house since im sick and since still single, which is very surprising, i have noone to come over and take care of me  lol

other than that lifes pretty much the same...been doing this bha thing, partying [well, not this weekend],  and for the most part staying out of trouble

well im tired of writing so im going to end this entry here...until whenever xangonians, 1

since everyone i know is doing this...

My TEN FIRSTS:

First Best Friend: gabby                                                                                         

First Screen Name: seanthespawn, lol

First Pet: 4 fish which all died in two weeks

FirstCrush: a girl named anika in the third grade, lol                                                                                                                          

First CD: i unno

First Car:  none yey

First Love: shauna [ex gf ]

First stuffed animal: a big white teddy bear

MY NINE LASTS

Last Alcoholic Beverage: wine on thanksgiving

Last Car ride: today w/ mom

Last Movie Seen: friday after next [saturday night]

Last Phone Call: mom, lol

Last CD Played: i unno

Last Bubble bath: too long ago

Last kiss? ummm, two weeks ago...damn

Last time you said I love you: the other day


EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS

Have you ever dated one of your best friends: for a week, lol 
Have you ever been arrested: never

Have you ever skinny dipped: nope

Have you ever been on TV: yea

Have you ever kissed someone, and then regretted it? nope
Have you ever had sex: lots of times

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING

1.blue sweatpants
2. blue hoodie
3. black t-shirt
4. black socks 
5. grey boxers
6. my earings
7. ummm, knee brace, lol


SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY

1. shower

2. get an MRI 

3. brushed teeth

4. iron clothes

5. did homework  lol

6. umm, argue w/ mom

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS (IN NO ORDER)
1. God
2. females
3. shrimp
4. irish moss...mmmm  
5. mother

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ALMOST ANYTHING TO (No Order)
1.gabby

2. phillip

3. sasha

4.God

THREE CHOICES
1. Black or White: Black
2. Hot or Cold: hot
3. Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1.  have kids

2.  go to jamaica


ONE THING YOU REGRET
1. not always knowing how to treat a gf